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Campaign Diary #6: Manners maketh the man.

The following is one of my Campaign Diaries, where I recap the latest game of Dungeons and Dragons that my friends and I play. Click here for the Campaign Diaries in order, click here for a “Who’s who” style summary, and click here for a Dungeons and Dragons introduction post!

Naoise the Newlywed

Dovogholz, Theon, Gryff and Reynarín woke in Wyvern Tor, a cave in a cliff face. It was the morning after they had defeated a band of orcs at the behest of Harbin Wester, the Townmaster of Phandalin. They needed a long sleep after the dangerous battle that nearly sa Dovogholz die. They began to argue about what task to attend to next.

“Well, we’re not far from Old Owl Well,” informed Reynarín, “There’s ment to be some odd magics there. We could- shush!”

Reynarín was the first to hear the distant sound of horses approaching the cave. Over the crest of the hill rode Naoise the Newlywed, with her new husband Frank sitting behind her on the horse. (Full name Franknobberhead Frollocksberry. It is unknown if this was his actual name before his marriage to Naoise Gnomenmeadows.) She greeted the rest of the party and asked them if they had found and defeated the band of orcs. Theon sarcastically pointed out the corpses piled up down the way from the cave mouth.

Theon, surprised at Naoise’s clothing, asked her to explain them. Naoise, wearing her people’s traditional honeymoon costume, explains what she was wearing to the interested party. She was quite proud at having found coconut bra that could fit but was wearing acorn nipple tassels underneath just in case.

Old Owl Well

A crumbling watchtower sits atop a green hill on a mild summer's day.
Old Owl Well, via

Necrolas grabbed Reynarín and pulled her to the side. They stood apart from the group and whispered. After a silent but heated discussion, Necrolas took Naoise’s horse and he and Reynarín left, saying they had to go to Neverwinter, and would meet the others in Phandalin.

After some catching up and debate about what to do next, the group left for Old Owl Well, some 15 miles north. Upon arrival, they came across a ruined courtyard and tower with a foul smell of decay emanating from it. Theon investigated first to try and determine what was the cause of the smell. Horrified, Theon dodged a half rotten human hand reach over a ruined wall and try to grab him. He returned to the group announcing “Not a chance lads!”

As the group tried to decide what to do, Dovogholz’s shadow separated from him and drifted down to the courtyard.

Dovo then approached the courtyard and tried to entice the creatures out. A black-skinned wizard wearing red robes was in the centre of the courtyard as well as seven zombies and a shadow. Attempts to parlay failed and the party fought against the necromancer and his small army. Even though they were taking down multiple zombies, the party were losing. It took Theon’s use of a Suggestion spell to stop the fight. They discussed the necromancers plans and discovered that he was trying to research an ancient wizard to find a potential cure for a dark curse that was plaguing his homeland Chult.

Agatha the Banshee

The necromancer asked the party to speak to Agatha, a banshee who was a great diviner and ask her the name of the wizard. They agreed. They took a short rest before they left and ate with the man.

On their way to Conyberry, the group were attacked by two wandering orcs, seeking revenge on their leader being killed. Dispatching of them quickly the group finally made it to Agatha’s lair on the outskirts of the ruined town of Conyberry.

When they finally found the Banshee’s lair, Theon and Naoise spoke first.

“Hey,” said Theon, “We just came from Old Owl Well and we wanna know about that wizard there and… Jesus you need to comb your hair love!”

The Banshee, twisted and writhed in her spectral way asked him “You dare to be so rude? Apologise!”

“Nah, you’re dead, we can say what we like Theon, can’t we!?” added Naoise. With that, the Banshee vanished. Gryff, Dovo, Theon and Naoise continued to search for her and tried many tactics to invite the banshee back, but to no avail.

The party decided to report back to their employers in Phandalin. During one night of camping, Dovogholz asked Naoise just how much she cared for her new husband. He told her that he had a personal vendetta against all Redbrands.

“Well,” Naoise replied, “He’s handy for carrying shite around for me. Just let me make sure I’m in the will and then you can kill away if you like.”

“Deal,” grumbled Dovogholz.

A shocking twist

Upon arrival in Phandalin, the group made for the inn where the innkeeper directed them to Sildar. Sildar told them of the grave news of Donat of Rosenbeck’s murder. He brought them to his body, speared to the wall by three of his javelins, all his clothing and items stripped away. Gryff immediately looked at Donat’s genitals while Naoise (also looking) pulled the note stuffed into Donat’s mouth which said:

Leave for Neverwinter. Do not return. Stay away from Phandalin.

Signed, the Black Spider.

Why did the Black Spider kill Donat?

What family emergency pulled Reynarín and Necrolas away?

Is Gryff into men?!

Find the answers to these questions and more next time!

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